Life and Death
I lay in bed on my back in the dark, unable to sleep. I close my eyes and see black so I squint to see something that is in-between life and darkness. I calm my mind, readying to talk to God, an unknown force of which I don’t know how to conceptualize. I am gearing up to beg for my daughter’s life. I feel unworthy, lost in the space separating a modern world and the stories of the bible. Why? I scream in my head silently, Why are you doing this? I wonder if I’m in hell. Take me! Take me instead if you need a life. I plead, My baby is so young…her babies need her…take me! I hear nothing and I struggle with believing anyone discerns my desperation, feeling my thoughts are ineffectual and useless. I yearn with the deep part of my soul that I can connect with an unseen spirit to help me. But a part of me knows I will not see an angel, I will not see God, I will not see Dean and I know that she will die. Maybe my faith is not strong enough, theref