Live Every Day



I had bad news yesterday.  A man that worked for my company, Cedar Creek Contractors, died Friday night.  On September 30th, 2017 he was killed in a tragic motorcycle accident.  His name was Tom and he was only thirty five years old.  His motorcycle hit a guardrail and he was thrown over the handlebars and into the oncoming traffic.  Several cars were unable to avoid hitting him. I wonder what his last thoughts were?  Was he scared, numb or unconscious?  Did he see his life flash before his eyes?  I pray that he felt no pain.

Coincidentally, it was exactly one year and six months from the day and approximate time Dean passed away.  It was a reminder to once again, live every day and moment as a gift from God.  I am still in disbelief and shock.  I just saw Tom Thursday night for a meeting with one of our clients, a large Property Management firm. He was going to help us with a substantial project we are supposed to start this coming Monday.  Hi role was integral to our job as an onsite manager, a carpenter and building repair specialist.  He and I talked about setting up a company together, flipping houses as he was a real estate agent and only worked for Cedar Creek Contractors as a second job.

I wonder why, at this stage of my life, I am seeing so much death.  Is it bad luck?  My age?  Or just a part of life.  I keep picturing that scene in the movie, War of the Worlds, where people are standing in the street one minute and then in the next "poof" they are gone.

I have to admit, my very first thought was, "Huh, lucky guy...he got to go home."  Some would say that its unhealthy for me to embrace death and I truly envied him in that first breath.  But with my second breath, a quiet voice said, You are blessed to be alive, live it every day and don't waste it."

Still its sad when we lose people we know and love.  A little piece of our lives disappears with them and only our memories are there to keep them alive.

I hope that Dean was there to welcome Tom home, even if they never knew each other in life.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Love and Loneliness

Image
One of the emotions that most recently floods my being on a random basis is loneliness. I may choose to fight or embrace it depending on my mood. Loneliness is described in Wikipedia as an unpleasant emotion brought on by a response to isolation.  I don't FEEL isolated and I've never been REALLY lonely before, but I am still trying to peel the skin off how it makes me truly feel.  Every morning I wake up to silence and pause for a moment to listen.  I hear the air inhaling and exhaling from my body, the rain or wind gently blowing against the window, or the in-explainable sounds that a house makes as it breathes.  I never used to notice these vibrations in time, listening instead for my husbands puttering in the kitchen as he made coffee or emptied the dishwasher.  The lack of sound that another living body is near me, reminds me that I am alone and he is gone. Silence, in itself, tells me to listen to my own voice, inside my head.  Who am I?  What will I do with this
Read more

The Departure

Image
My eyes open to another cold December day.  The morning is like any other, but my life is on the edge of a transformation.  I lie still, my breath shallow, as thoughts slowly fill my mind, reminding me that my daughter is fighting for her life in a hospital bed fifteen miles away.  In my soul, I know she is dying.  Still grief stricken over my husbands demise, this new loss is staggering.  Illness, suffering and death have become an unfortunate way of life for me in the last three years.  I hate cancer, the insidious murderer who was stealing so much from me.  I struggle to shake off the lethargic effects of the nightly sleeping pill I take to find oblivion every night and force myself to put my feet on the floor and get up. I feel helpless and frustrated that as her mother, I can not heal her.  I could not save my husband and now, I can not save my daughter.  In the bottom of my mind, anger simmers.  I did not think it often, but on this day, I am mad that life has been cruel
Read more

Its Hard to Fucking Care

My eyes open and I am awake.  My brain reaches for the dream that floats through my mind, because I do not want to wake to reality.  Even my subconscious knows I do not want to end sleep, the other world much preferable to the real one.  I dreamt of my dad.  We were doing everyday normal things and I miss him.  My dreams are so real and I want to be in that world. Ugghh, I have to face another day of moving forward, figuring out what I am supposed to be doing and making effort.  Unfortunately, my motivation and ambition have dried up like a raisin.  I can’t seem to jumpstart my energy.  Everything is overwhelming and inevitably I stay still as long as possible, inert physically, with my brain racing like a speed car at Talladega. The only way I can get out of bed is to know that my dog is downstairs and needs to eat and poop.  I force myself to swing my legs from under the covers and put them on the floor.  When I stand, my body feels like it is disengaged from my mind. I seem
Read more