Mind Over Meditation



There seems to be no lack of motivational, self-improvement publicity out in the world lately.  Abraham Hicks, spirituality, posted affirmations on social media, mediums on TV and more, but the one thing I am trying to learn is meditation. My ability to blank my mind and focus on nothing but breathing is a challenge and yet when I can last at minimum of five minutes, I feel the benefit of calmness wash over me.  Zen, Mindfulness, Metta (kind), Mantra, Transcendental, Yoga, Sound, Kundalini…the list goes on there are so many to try, but I always come back to the standard sit and relax pose.  Recently, I was having a sad moment in the gym and decided to incorporate meditation into my workout.

Since I still suffer from grief in some form every day, I found that meditation redirects my energy and grounds my mind very quickly. I decided to jump on one of the stationary bikes at my local gym in a location where no one was around.  I cranked the tunes on my Bluetooth headphones and set the workout to hills.  As the music kicked in, I leaned back and closed my eyes, focusing on each breath that I took.

Breathe in the light, exhale the dark…I told myself in two deep breaths.  But then my mind starts to wander…focus…the smells of rubber, deodorant, sweat and chemicals assault my brain. Breathe…the sweat trickles down my temple…distraction…calmness.  My mind returns to stream of consciousness like a rubber band, but I stretch it back to my breath over and over.  The ache of my muscles straining to pedal up the imaginary hill programmed on my bike, grab my thoughts back to reality but I push them back to calm.  I listen to the music but it is a sad song for me, reminding me of loss and I catch my breath through the instant pain of remembrance.  My thoughts travel down the same road, bringing a tear, until I steer them away to the present, my grief wars with gratitude and life and breath.

It all comes and goes in waves, and I use meditation to ground my mind back to reality. My brain does not want to think of nothing, and I struggle to see black while closing my eyes.  It’s so easy to slip into the past, but it makes me sad and brings me never ending anguish.  Ultimately, meditation is a guide to help me stay focused in the present, to control the grief from the past and to calm my mind into peace.  I can’t lose myself in it for long periods of time, especially during a workout, but I feel even one or two heartbeats brings me closer to acceptance.  It’s a constant battle, but I haven’t given up the fight and meditation is one more tool I use to help me win.

Meditation is my fall back to calmness.  I have not mastered the art of practicing it for hours, but it has given me a small measure of control to my thoughts, if only to put them on pause or re-direct them.  Just like anything, I have to work at it and practice it daily.




Comments

  1. saadFebruary 27, 2019 at 10:27 PM

    Thermogaphy
    Bio Resonance
    holistic health

    ReplyDelete
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