Gratefulness


Today I want to express how grateful I am for so many things.  Its been hard to be positive in the sea of Cancer, Alzheimer (my mom recently diagnosed with) and grief.  Life continues like a speeding freight train when I feel like I'm standing stock still, watching it all go by in a blur.

I truly believe that we have some intuition of why we are here on Earth and what our purpose is, even though we all get lost sometimes.  Everyone alive experiences life and is connected to each other in some way, but we are at different stages of our individual journeys.  Deans intuition to always take care of me, eased my transition into life without him.

My husband and I did not have much when we met back in 2003.  We each had a small nest egg that we combined together in which we used to build our beautiful home.  As time went on, together we worked hard and created a nice comfortable life.  As cancer destroyed our savings for his healthcare, I didn't worry, as my main focus was saving Dean.  Somehow, he managed to take care of me after he was gone.  I did not worry about money, health or work.  I was very lucky.  I did not lose my home (even though I eventually put it up for sale) but rather sold it to the perfect couple who love it as much as we did.  From that sale, I was able to buy a brand new home next to my children.

Dean left me with financial freedom.  A company that brings me income and a means to start a new life.  I know that from the other side, he watches over me so I feel safe.  I no longer fear death.  It was the sweetest gift he could have given me.  I love you Dean.

I am grateful that I can walk a block and see my five grandchildren and daughter. That I can ride my bike over every night and pickup one of the kids to go for a ride with me.  That I can help my daughter in her time of need and give her the love and support she needs so badly while she is sick.  That I can drive ten minutes and see my other daughter and two grandsons and that I can meet up with my step-daughter every so often and have fun together and talk about Dean and be two carefree single ladies for a night out on the town.

I am grateful I can pick up my grandson up from school and bring him home to play until his mom can come get him.

I am so lucky that I can take vacations, work on my home and have time to write a book without the burden of a nine to five job to exhaust me daily.

I am grateful that I have wonderful friends, so much love from my family and that I feel needed so that I have purpose.

I am grateful that my daughter is still alive and I can hug her and love her every day.

Every day, I try to say something I'm grateful for.  Today, I'm just grateful for everything.

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