The Ocean



Tomorrow morning, I am driving to the ocean.  The sun, saltwater, waves and sand are calling my name in the late Indian summer we are currently experiencing.  As far back as I can remember, we have not had a summer this hot and dry in Seattle.  Dean would have loved it.  He was a sun worshiper and he lived for the water.  I have wisps of sadness all day that he is not present to share this time with me.

Getting the truck gassed up, packing the cooler and loading the chairs and blankets were Deans job and it feels foreign to me that I now have to do it all.  I am still missing my other half and even after seventeen months, I can't get used to living without him.  But I am determined to enjoy each day to the fullest and so Cady (my yellow lab) and I, are heading to Ocean Shores, so that I can feel the sand in my toes and breeze coming off the water.  There, I'm told, I will hear Deans voice in the wind or feel his touch in the sand.

I look for him every day, in the woods by my home, the Falcons gliding gracefully over the fields, butterflies fluttering around me or in a song on the radio.  Mostly, I swallow my disappointment because I can not find him, and I quietly ache to feel him one more time.

I get ready for bed at 8:00 pm so I can get up early to beat the traffic and tell myself, tomorrow will be a good day.  Because if I say it enough, it must be true.




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