Finding New Meaning



I eagerly looked forward to the weekend, visiting and spending the night at my best friend’s house.  We were getting pedicures, going out to dinner and drinking wine.  I was excited for girl time and leaving my thoughts at home.  I had been spending a lot of time milling around my house lately, bouncing from one small project to the next, and I was getting bored.  With work required for business almost non-existent, I was at a loss on how to be productive.

I found myself at odd times of the day, staring into the bathroom mirror, my face becoming detached from my body and evolving into somebody else.  Someone who was a stranger to me.  I felt dizzy, as if the world around me faded away into a blur, with my face distorted and numb.  Loneliness and isolation, two gifts from death, always shadows by my side.

I could feel that I was alive, but that I was no longer who I used to be.  I asked myself, how did I get here?

I am sick of being sad.  I am tired of the tears.  I want to feel alive again.  In one moment, I'm ready to move forward, until the next moment, I am not.


Determined to have some fun, I packed my suitcase and loaded my dog into my pickup.  One breath at a time, that was my new meaning of life.

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